Reblogged: DATING VS. MARRIAGE
blog from MyIslandsugar
"DATING VS. MARRIAGE: A lot of people think that dating means they should just continue to date for years until they are ready..or they may NEVER be ready. That's fine too, if you choose to date for the rest of your life...but REMEMBER THIS:
If you're NOT married, then you're single...even if you're dating someone, you AND THEY are still LEGALLY single; hopefully, monogamous, but still SINGLE. Even, if you date for a long period of time before you marry, you are more likely to end up in divorce or split up...go figure. {see the Patti statement above for that one; although never-married Patti also just ended her engagement after SIX YEARS; she's now complaining about being too old {she's 49, I believe} to have her own children after wasting years with this man and others. This happens ALL THE TIME.
Its not that difficult to steal someone who only "dating" someone else. Why can't they see someone else, they are single, right...no?! Some may call that a committed relationship, but its really another form of still "dating" that person. AGAIN....this may be fine and this certainly isnt calling dating couples serial cheaters, but...they fact remains, they are single. I know some may be up in arms about this, but...it is what it is.
What is the definition of dating? Your either know or you don't...be HONEST. How long are you gonna date someone who is really...SINGLE. AND...if you are single, what is the hold up? They {or you} could be looking elsewhere and you are just...dating and waiting...for?! what exactly. There should be a purpose to dating {which is marriage}. You should get to know each other and at least be monogamous, but remember, within a reasonable period of time, you should know whether this has a marital future or not and MOVE FORWARD. Otherwise, you're taking a real chance of wasting your life...for real. I've heard of people dating for ten YEARS, then breaking up...what a WASTE..of your LIFE. You can NOT get that back---AND that is also your youth, child-bearing age {for women}, its NOT a good idea at all to waste your life wondering, running wild....and NOT settling down.
This is the vetting that the very gifted Evia Moore talks about...for women, but this also applies to men. There's a period in your life when you run wild, but time NOT ONLY sneaks up on you, it flies by before you even know it.
For those who are against marriage, that's fine. As long as you realize {or ignore} that you're dating or "in a long-term relationship" with a SINGLE person; you are single also and marriage may be just a piece of paper, so that's cool if that's what you prefer....it really is.
If you are against marriage, don't write me saying you're against my view of dating...as you have a choice and an opinion, I also have mine.
I know someone who was dating a man for four years...she came home one day, he moved out and was quickly ENGAGED {and eventually married} to someone else...I comforted her, but had also told her previously that she had no foundation with this man...he was one of those who considered himself single {and HE WAS} and moved on...she merely kept him company until he found what he wanted. Sad, but true.
And NO...being in a dating relationship is NOT the same as being married...having a girlfriend/boyfriend is NOT the same as having a wife/husband. For those who don't know the difference, there's no words to help you understand it...you have to KNOW it.
Husband/Wife have not only legal protections, but also made a commitment to each other in front of God, family and friends. Even atheists get married. It's not just a piece of paper, its an institution, it's a feeling of belonging to another, its CHILDREN, hearth, HEART and HOME. Its an exclusive of pride and a sense of belonging, not just to each other, but a very enviable part of society that even those who are NOT allowed to marry want to be a part of.....IF it is rooted in HONESTY and LOVE. And don't start on the statistics of one out of two marriages or more ending in divorce...if HONESTY and PURE LOVE were at the forefront, those statistics would be lower; also re-read the dishonesty post aforementioned for other a few other reasons why this may be...nothing is foolproof nor perfect...AND one out of the two DOES work, that's FIFTY PERCENT...look at the positive and keep your mind positive.
This isn't knocking single people out there, though...not AT ALL. Its their CHOICE. But legally, boyfriend/girlfriend share their emotions, bodies...they even share kids...they share a house or apartment, coffeemaker and cars, perhaps...they share THINGS and an UNDERSTANDING {or not}....and the truth actually is...people that "date" break up at an astronomical rate more than those who are married, because its more short term {one to three dates, perhaps to weeks to months to yrs...but MUCH more frequent than marriages}. Its just not as recorded nor reported. Some do work and marry and live happily ever after...some even NEVER marry and live happily ever after...its not impossible, but highly unlikely.
It's important to know that you're actually ready for a relationship with hopes of marriage or lifetime dating if that's what you prefer. YES, it is about compromise...no one person is perfect and exactly what we were looking for; heck, we are NOT perfect.
You've watched Judy Judy...all those programs. First thing she asks is if they had a RELATIONSHIP...that they dated for X amount of years....and then they split up PROPERTY, she scorns them about playing house then asking the courts to make it fair...and it cant even be done fairly in most cases because its all materialistic in nature. Its THINGS.
That's the bottom line, though....that's what dating is in comparison to marriage and not just from a legal standpoint. " a
"THE WAY THEY WERE: Halle Berry & Gabriel Aubry
*Sighs*....LOL. When a story starts off like that, it usually leads to some form of scorning; but so it goes.
This is only my opinion on this...since I simply adored this coupling and thought they were so grown up, its disappointing to see what is now developing and so I offer my opinion {even if it doesn't apply...which it really doesn't...LOL.}
This was the stunningly gorgeous duo of Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry. As of lately, both have been trying to theoretically knife each other to pieces instead of thinking of who it is they are actually fighting over...their incredibly beautiful daughter, Nahla.
You know, I just wrote about this in this blog post, about the difference between dating an marriage - this is a perfect example of what happens when people make their own "arrangements" and the consequences suffered as a result {mostly by Nahla in this case, TBD of course}.
Its not an good situation...and for those who said it could've been a marriage that went south...well, to that I respond: IT WASN'T a MARRIAGE. It was a relationship; they were DATING. A NON-LEGAL means of "playing house" which more than often ends up JUST like this situation, where LEGAL means are the after-thought of how to "work things out".
Is it not selfish to DATE someone and CREATE LIFE with no solid foundation for the child{ren} of such a choice having legal protection and stability under the protection of marriage--is it really that casual to just...have a child with someone you're dating?! Is it the BEST for the child{ren}?
Now, we all get to sit back and witness this vitriolic public display of love-gone-bad with the most innocent victim of all left to deal with the circumstances.
Who knows who's at fault for this dust-up. The bottom line is they both made a decision that has created a child and {Nahla} should NOT have to suffer HER PARENTS' DECISIONS. GROW UP, take responsibility for your actions and put HER best welfare before either of yours. It's no longer about either one of you since you are no longer dating. This is the kind of thing you talk about BEFORE you decide to make a baby together.
I certainly do hope that Halle and Gabe get it together - STOP playing games and slinging fault and STOP talking to the press; hash this out in PRIVATE and keep your dignity for goodness sakes...if not for yourselves, then do it for your daughter...remember her?!" b
"DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME: It all seems like all fun and games; don't get me wrong, you should have your fun...life is about having fun...but its not ALL ABOUT playing games or wasting time. There comes a time to grow up and take steps to plan and secure your future.
From about {age 23-27 for women, 28 for men to about age 35 for women, 36-40+ for men}...those ages of people seem to go through each other like changing their clothes...playing games, cheating, abandonment, wasting time, just kickin' it, being irresponsible, etc., etc. Then, before you know it, you reach adulthood and the landscape has changed, you're looking back at your life wondering where the time and possibilities has gone and what to do now.
Yes, people change and life happens...but if the foundation of the love you've chosen is solid, it is but another challenge for you to overcome. Easier said than done, of course, but not impossible. Love does conquer all...IF it is LOVE rooted in HONESTY." a
You can read the entire blogs here:
a. http://myislandsugar.blogspot.com/2011/01/controversy-perils-of-dating-getting.html
b. http://myislandsugar.blogspot.com/2011/02/way-they-were-halle-berry-gabriel-aubry.html
I believe life is all about Christ. Life is going to be fun at times but to like the original author says life isn't all about playing games.
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